Reviews For Chronicles of Life and Death
That's just really sad if someone would just accept being called names anonymously, from people who have no clue about what's going on, and especially going with it and playing along! That's another level of self-destruction. It's just so sad to know that there *are* girl and boys out there really thinking that lowly of themselves. Nobody should feel that way, ever. It gets better with age, you start accepting yourself as you are and realize your values, but sometimes some of these kids never get there alive. It kills me, I could cry. (OK, getting super-emotional here, that's not good.)
Anyhow, it was in fucking poor taste of Benji to greet her with that 'joke'. I could have slapped him. He better freaking come to his senses and start caring for this girl, for real this time.
Now excuse me while I go away and sniff. (PMS. It totally exists.)
Author's Response: Benji is a dick, but I don't think he meant anything by it. It's heartbreaking to think of anyone feeling that way, though. Anyone constantly judging themselves by things they have little control over.
Mmm, Joel in that outfit... drool. :D:D These guys should wear colors more often. Love them in colors. Especially Benji. *sigh*
(And once again, Johnny for president! See how diplomatic he was? He didn't say 'You were fucking like animals', he just said they were making noises like that :) Perfect.)
Author's Response: I like that cheerful Joel is coming out. Negative Joel made everything seem bad in the world. Johnny is a sweetheart of a character, that line was stolen from a friend of mine, though, who told me that after I confusedly (and angrily) asked him what time it was one morning, err afternoon. Hell yeah, Johnny for president, though. Johnny would make a great president. Punk would be a subject taught in schools.
I'm pretty sure that is wasn't this same story that I mistook it for, I think the author must have been different and it was wayyyy back then. Coming to think of it it might not even have been in English, I could have read that on a different site... I don't have much memories of it, but now I'm almost completely sure that it was not in English. Yepp.
Yes, you make sense, and most of the time even when we are the writers we have no clue either what a given character will do next. You have an idea in the beginning and then it just starts to sort of spiral out of your hands as the story progresses and the character starts to live it's own life... that's the most interesting part of writing (besides seeing it through your readers pov, through their reviews:)). I'm so glad that you gave me your point of view :)
And please don't misunderstand what I'm saying, these characters, damaged or not, are great. No character should be too perfect, that's not how it goes in real life. We all mess up, do amazingly stupid shit and every once in a while have a surprisingly bright moment, it's just how people are. Obviously there's a reason for both Benji's and Caitlin's behavior, and God knows I can't wait to find out!!! :)
So all in all... update please? :)<
Author's Response: I'll start working on an update now, I just wanted to step away from it for a minute to take a rest, it scares me that I can see myself and some of my friends in these characters, and I just wanted to let things progress personally before I let the characters spread their wings again.
Okay, all in all I think you're putting together a good cautionary tale here. These people do everything in the wrong way. I feel like the chapters could use some more detailing so it's more relatable, maybe you could try to calm down a little bit in your writing. Twists and turns are awesome and keep you going but sometimes it feels that everything is happening too fast.
I have to say though, for a first ever story, you're doing well. Keep going, we love the drama! :D Oh, and Johnny for president! :) Seriously, he's the best. I bet he's pretty cute too. I just realized that we have no idea what any given character looks like. All we know that Cait is a blonde, but nothing more. We need descriptions of sparkly blue eyes, tan and toned upper bodies that make a girl's heart race and such ;) Make us go weak in the knees for your characters! (Especially Johnny, since we all know he's the hottest, and he's smart enough too. Smart is sexy.) ;)
YAY! Johnny for president! I know the slogan of his party too: "We're kinda sorta scumfuck jerks" You know, honesty all the way! :D Seriously he's pretty great, and if anyone, she should have slept with him.
Now about skipping a chapter due to it being smut-ty... hahaha, what made you think that anyone on this site would skip it for that? ;) Let's be real, we're a twisted bunch around here :P We LOVE smut. :)
On the other hand, I feel bad for this kid, he or she has poor chances in life with parents like this. Sorry, Cait, but you need to stop being so stupid and start taking care of this baby. Which does NOT mean drinking games and coke. Just sayin'
I say we elect Johnny so he can make his magic over this twisted world, bringing joy and peace and a better educational system, focusing on biology especially ;) He would make an awesome step daddy too. It would be a good campaign move too, adopting some dumbfuck's child to provide him or her a better future. JOHNNY FOR PRESIDENT!!
Author's Response: This is the one case of me controlling my characters' decisions, but that's mostly because Pony reminds me of a good friend of mine (who Pony is loosely based off of) that I miss more than I have ever missed another human being, and all of Pony's actions are things he has done (well, except the quoting Minor Threat thing, that was a different friend). I feel bad for the kid, too, but when Caitlin snorted coke she had absolutely no intention of having the kid, she had every intention of dying instead.
Seriously wtf. These people are the dumbest of all the people I've ever met. Right, solve the problems by attempting suicide. Real mature, both of them. Caitlin needs to go back to school asap. Take a biology class or two. God, they make me so mad.
Author's Response: I can't pretend to know these characters better than anybody reading this does. The story is just as much of an introduction of them to me as it is to any reader. I can't claim to own these characters, all of them have lives and quirks of their own. Having read the story, though, I think there might be underlying causes to the situations Caitlin finds herself in. She constantly looks for the quick escape (running from a situation in Pittsburgh she calls shitty to LA to be with Benji to Pony and Johnny's house to escape Benj) without thinking of the consequence. There has to be a history of depression for her to be willing to try to kill herself like that. Benji seems to have had a history of poor relationships that would lead to him pushing people away and being mistrusting only for him to be upset that they don't want to stay by his side (like the Elliott Smith lyric "so you come along I'll push you away, then kick and scream for you to stay.") which also explains why Joel, the person who arguably knows him best, would see the pattern and attempt to warn Caitlin. Caitlin seems like she needs to better define herself and find a sense of self-worth that wouldn't lead to her seeking poor relationships (like the one she has later in the story with Pony). Johnny seems to love Caitlin despite her faults, but there's no knowing how long she'll be willing to accept that for, before she thinks he's just appeasing her and she's being overly reliant and in general being a drain on him the way she felt like she was being a drain on Joel and Nicole.
It's messed up. And screw Joel, he's just as dumb as his brother. I beg Nicole on my knees to step up, turn on the momma bear mode and force some order over this bunch of stupid people. I get it, Caitlin is 17, she has no clue about the world or anything really, but I mean, JOEL! Would you let HARLOW stay with total strangers after meeting them once??? Do you have no father genes??
*Sigh* You know, it would be actually better to just put Benji out, as cruel it may sound. He's too dysfunctional to stay in Caitlin's life. Too bad it wouldn't make for a very good story :D So let's hope for the best. Like a sanatorium or something ;) Oh, and just a hint for Cait, Benji has like a dozen different cars, I suggest she stops going to him every time and just looks up the keys so she can get around easier. I would. His new BMW is pretty sweet ;)
Author's Response: Honestly, I don't totally understand my characters' actions, I just think maybe Joel's letting her do this because he knows he can't stop her. She's young and stupid, and I think maybe he'd just rather know where she is than wait for her to run away because he won't let her leave willingly.
I'm confused by this whirlwind of a relationship, but I guess they know what they are doing? Screw it, they have no fucking idea. I love how doting Benji is, feeding all nutritious food to his baby momma... not. Pizza and Sprite? I get it that you managed to grow to an impressive 5-6 on that stuff but a baby needs a wee bit more than that. (Am I mean to him? Hehe, it just feels so good! Asshole deserves no mercy. Oh. Hahaha. Remember the band No Mercy? :D)
Freddy was spot on, he seems like a great guy :D
"I have an extra bedroom you can use. You're gonna pack all your sentimental shit and we're gonna move in together and raise the baby." Just what every woman wants to hear from the father of their child. :S Ever the romantic one, aren't we, Benjamin?
Crap. I really hoped she would be smarter. Apparently not. I still say lock him up, but with the baby coming, it's better if he's able to go out to get the mullah. Hand over a credit card and get lost, loser!
That beating I mentioned? Now is due. Or better yet, go ahead Joel, call the police on your twin. He looks good in colors, so I'm sure orange will suit him well. That fucking ASSHOLE! He needs to be locked up!
Whew. Deep breath. Keep reading.
OMG! Ok, Joel is smart enough to think about the possibility of pregnancy. I forgot about it completely. But a test in a few weeks???? GOD! Did it ever occure to him that it might be too late by then??? I mean, what about those pesky little drug-store tests? You know, Joely, they work after two days too, and then you might have a shot with the 72 hours pill. Abortion isn't the only way, Mr Madden. O.O Caitling, you better get down to business yourself. Don't let dumb men fuck up your life for you.
As for Benji... crawl in a cave and die. I couldn't care about him any less. Nothing is a viable excuse for raping a teenage girl TWICE.
Damn, this band is nosy. All up in each others lives. Seriously guys, I know you've been making music together since the last ice-age but give each other some space... Joel has an excuse with being the brother and all, but the rest? Tsk tsk :D
They are moving too fast. WAY too fast. I might be old fashioned but I don't think it's possible to develop feelings in this tempo. Especially care. Care is something special and it doesn't come right away. For Caitlin it might be there since she has sort of known him before they met, she might have made up an image in her head and has grown to have feelings for that person, so from her part it's okay. And, well, she's young. It's understandable. Benji on the other hand... Joel is the smarter twin, we got that down in million other stories and in real life, but still, Benji's old enough to know this much. Unless he's really really REALLY desperate to be with someone (let that be whoever, the first person with a set of boobs and a vagina he comes across), I doubt he's serious about her. Which is a shame, but this is life. To pull the jealous boyfriend act already after knowing her for a grand total of twelve hours is over the top. Slow down, peeps. Slow. Down.
I feel like a bit more of detailing would take this story up a good notch. I like your writing, but I feel like there's much more in you, you gave a glimpse of it right in the beginning, but somehow the plot started to over-power the story-telling. It would be nice to know a little bit more about their thoughts, their surroundings, the other characters... stuff like that. It makes a story more relatable. I know you have it in you. :)
I'm sorry if I sound harsh in my review, believe me when I say (write ;)) this: I really don't mean to be, it's just hard to get everything through in writing when you can't see the body talk of the other person. Take it as constructive criticism, but of course I'm not a pro either, I don't really have the right to say anything, so I'm just putting my two cents in there. You're off to a good start with your first story, and don't be intimidated, just go with your gut and stay true to yourself in your writing. It will pay off. :)
Okay, I'm off to read the rest, I can't wait to see where you're going with this story! (I secretly hope Benji messes up and Caitling beats the living shit out of him, haha) :)
I'm so stupid, I totally mistook this story for another one that I didn't like for being way too unrealistic! I would have started reading and reviewing sooner, I don't know how did this happened. So. In comparison to that one, this one here seems spot on with Benji turning out to be an asshole. That's great. I mean, him being an ass isn't great, but it's good for the story. It's just annoying to think that he could get away with his behavior for so long. If you think about it while taking out the 'celebrity' part, this is exactly what people are getting slammed behind bars. (She's underaged I'm assuming.)
Anyhow, I really like how nice Joel and Paul are, it's sort of annoying or weird how everyone gets into Benji's business right away and it seems a bit unrealistic that Joel would suggest that Caitlin could mean more to Benji than a quick fuck, because lets face it, you don't decide those things right away. (Am I the only one not really believing in love at first sight? :D)
Well, all in all, I was pleasantly surprised, and I'm glad I read past the point where I stopped before thinking this was that other story. I like the way you write and I'm curious to see where this is going. :)
Author's Response: That other story may have been this one. I started to write it a while ago, then deleted and changed a bunch of chapters to try to make it make more sense.