I really don't want to be mean, but I like constructive criticism. If you don't, just stop reading the review. It has a good plot and everything (from what I know), it just seems a little disconnected. I mean, in my opinion, the story could be condensed to a few chapters. It's still good, and all, it just seems choppy, if you know what I mean. I don't really know how to explain it. I'm still looking forward to updates, I want to know what happens. Sorry if I made you mad or anything, but a little constructive criticism( I'm pretty sure I spelt that wrong, sorry) never hurts anybody, at least in my mind. It probably can....but yeah, I'll just stop now.Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Concrit is always helpful. I started this story a few years ago so it probably is a little choppy but I'll work on it.